We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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