Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
