she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize