Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
