im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
