I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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