i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
