Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
