I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize