there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
