dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
