I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
