You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
