I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize