Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
