All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
if only i could text you this smell
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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