grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
