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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
being pregnant is like rehab
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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