U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
