it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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