Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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