So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
