you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
