the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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