And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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