I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
