No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
