Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
