apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
