so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
