she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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