also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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