gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
