So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
