I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
