dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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