She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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