i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Randomize
