I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
