didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
