i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
