I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
