People in love make me want to vomit
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
