I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
