You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
