He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
