we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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