if you like me you must not know who I am
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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