Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Randomize
