watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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