I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
