We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
