Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She told me I should be a condom model.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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