somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
