I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
