I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
How naked do you want me to be?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
