last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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