well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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