A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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