The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
a search helicopter?!
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize