I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
