I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
