how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Vodka?
Forever.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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