is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
