dude i'm inner monologue high
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize